Thoughts for a new year....

I was going to write my New Years post earlier but as I looked over the past year I couldn't decide what to write. We had so many changes, some good, some bad, and some just different. I was thinking of the highlights and I have to say that probably one of the most touching and wonderful moments of the year surprised me. I hate court rooms, but when I had the privilege to see the finalization of my beautiful granddaughter's adoption I couldn't miss it. It caught me off guard how spiritual it felt. When my daughter and son-in-law talked about their love for this little princess I was crying like a baby. I carry that day high in my memories and pull it out whenever I need a reminder of God's hand in my life. As I thought of the remainder of things that stuck out in my mind I realized that the one thing that carried me through the year was the sure knowledge that God has had a hand in everything. The good, the bad, and the in between. How I reacted to the changes was up to me. At the beginning of 2013 I vowed to do my best with the trials that came along and then put them in God's hand. I have carried a picture of this in my mind all year and it has helped me through some hard times. At times it is hard. I have been told I have a fixer personality, which means I like to try and fix everything around me and to have control of everything. Because of that putting things in someone else's control, even God's, is hard for me. Sometimes I find myself kinda arguing with God. Telling him that if he would do things my way it would be much better. It wasn't until closer to the end if the year that I had an ah ha moment. When Pete got his birthday present of Dandy and Ace, two big black Percheron horses, we had a party and had family come for a wagon ride. When we hitched them up and started going they were not pulling together, but away from each other. Almost to the point where they were leanig so far away from each other that their feet were touching each other's. They moved forward but they were working about 10 times harder than they needed to. At the end of the party they were worn out. That day I realized that's kind of how I live my life. I move forward but I am always pulling away from things and it makes it a lot harder. If you've ever seen a good team pull together it is a beautiful sight and sound. As they get going they get into a rhythm so perfect you can only hear one set of hoof beats. They pull smoothly and efficiently. Both pulling their share of the weight. As I was thinking about this I come to another thought. We have one horse that likes to go faster and work harder and when his partner gets lazy he just digs in and pulls harder. That's what it's like when you really put things into God's hands. I can pull with him in an equal partnership , but when times get hard he will dig in and pull more than his share. When we pull together things move ahead easily and smoothly. When I pull against him, all that happens is I wear myself out, and when I get too tired  or too stubborn to pull he will pull my share too. The wagon of my life will keep moving forward. It is up to me how smoothly we go. My hope for the coming year is that I will be able to keep in stride and pull my share of the weight , but I know if I get too tired, or become unsure of my footing, God will be there to pull my share until I can get back into the rhythm. I am truly blessed and I am looking forward to  2014. Come what may, I will put my best self forward, and then put the rest into God's hands.